


I'll be there

by firstdegreefangirl



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Alex hurt TK real bad, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But Only a Little Bit - Freeform, Carlos is a Good Boyfriend, Carlos is a worrier, Crying, Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, I'm Bad At Tagging, Innuendo, Judd is over TK's antics, M/M, Owen is a good dad, TK has trust issues, but wants him to figure his shit out, hand holding, he loves his son, or whatever they are - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22870816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firstdegreefangirl/pseuds/firstdegreefangirl
Summary: When things start to feel like a real relationship, TK takes off. We saw it at the almost-dinner, and we see it again here. Except this time, Carlos gives chase.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 47
Kudos: 414





	1. Chapter One - Intro

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest thing I've written in ... ever. It's entirely written, I'm just not totally sure where the chapter breaks will go, so I haven't listed those yet. Planning for updates every Sunday until I run out of chapters, but who knows? I might get bored and post something sooner.

Carlos smiles when he hears his front door open, tossing his jeans – belt and all – in the direction of the hamper as he  climbs into bed . The dull thud of the buckle against the wall is enough for TK to know where to find him , pulling his own AFD tee over his head and stretching his arms back.

“Long day?” Carlos  sits up on his elbows to drink in the sight of TK’s shoulder muscles flexing as he brushes his teeth and washes his face , tucking everything carefully back into his toiletry bag before he joins his boyfriend in bed. 

(They’ve talked about the toiletry bag before, that Carlos doesn’t mind if he leaves bottles or anything on the bathroom counter. But TK  isn’t ready for that yet , says he’s not ready to move into anything quite this soon after the nuclear-level fallout that ended his relationship with Alex, and besides the  serums his dad got him hooked on are way too expensive to have more than one bottle of at a time.  So he packs them in a fancy, sustainably-produced canvas pouch and carries everything back and forth between his place, Carlos’s and the station. And Carlos is OK with it, willing to wait  as long as he needs to for TK  to be comfortable with where they are now before they go any further. It’s only been a month, after all, since they stopped “hooking up” and started “dating,” and if Carlos is right about how he thinks they’ll end up , he can wait a little longer).

“Yeah, I  dunno how the alarm knows when it’s almost time to head home, but it’s got  a way with going off right at the end of shift. At least this wasn’t a hard call though, just a car accident. Couple of bruised ribs, we were mostly backup for Michelle’s team.” TK curls  an arm around Carlos’s waist, resting his head on his chest as Carlos pulls the blankets up around them. 

“It’s funny like that. Waited up for you, though.” Carlos is fading fast, the warmth and comfort of his bed and his boyfriend pulling him closer to sleep with every breath . He sighs and  roll s them both  sideways so he can tangle their legs together and pull TK’s back closer to his chest. “ Mmm , love  holdin ’ you,  Teek .” He yawns as the sleep pulls him under. “Fit so perfect in my arms.” 

TK’s eyes pop open,  and he feels his body go rigid in Carlos’s arms. But of course, Carlos is already passed out, holding tightly to TK. It’s how they always sleep, when TK stays over : wrapped around each other, sharing space and heat and comfort from one another. Usually TK finds it incredibly calming to know  that Carlos is there, will stay there, will be there when he wakes up. But tonight, right now, he’s stifled by it.  All of a sudden , he’s too hot, too enclosed, feels like there's not enough air to pull into his lungs. 

He could get up, he knows that. He could lift Carlos’s arm, slide out from under it, go hide in the bathroom until the panic passes, and  come back like nothing happened, pretend he had to pee if Carlos asks about it later. 

But he can’t. He can’t do that. Can't get his mind to stop racing long enough to convince his limbs to cooperate. Can’t stop the endless loop between “love  holdin ’ you” and “ Teek ” and “perfect” firing into every neuron, so fast and so sharp that it’s like he can feel every connection his mind is making. Can’t talk himself into knowing he’s safe if he  stays, but can't talk himself into giving into the urge to  run.

So he lays there all night, overanalyzing the entire evening – or what little of it was left after he got off work late. Carlos “loves holding him,” thinks he’s a “perfect fit.” He didn’t say he  _ loves him _ or thinks  _ he’s perfect –  _ thankfully, because he’d be wrong, so wrong – but it still feels like something massive is hanging over them now. He knows they should probably talk about it, sit  down together and figure out why this is hitting TK so hard , but he can’t bring himself to wake Carlos up. 

Not that he’d  even know how to start that conversation. How do you tell the  super sweet,  super hot guy  you think you might be falling in love with  that you don’t want him to say nice things and hold you at night? 

“Hey, babe,  the other night, when you said you love holding me? Yeah,  kinda wanted to bolt, but it’s cool now. Just maybe … don’t do that anymore?” 

Because that’s  _ totally _ the sort of thing that’ll make Carlos want to hang around and keep waiting around for him to get over his crap.

TK finally  exhausts himself enough to sleep by just after 5:45  a.m.. But when the alarm goes off at 6:30, he’s up like a shot, and down the hall into Carlos’s kitchen, firing up the coffee pot before Carlos has hardly even made it out of be d.

* * *

Carlos can’t remember the last time TK poured his own coffee from Carlos’s pot. It’s generally a fight to get the other man out of bed in the mornings, and a fight more easily won with a vanilla-cream er laced mug waved under his nose. 

But TK’s feet are on the floor and he hears the Keurig click on before he’s really had time  to process the movement. Then he hears the fridge open, probably f or the bottle of creamer that’s only been stashed there since he started spending the night on a regular basis. And TK reappears in the bedroom, pulling last night’s T-shirt back over his head.

“ Tryin ’ to run out on me, Tiger?” Carlos smirks, standing up and popping his back.

“Nah, I’ve just …  early shift,  y’know ? And I told my dad we’d ride in together, so I’ve  gotta get home and pick him up.” He tugs his sweats up just as they hear the toaster ding. “I’ll … catch you later?” 

“Yeah. Yeah,  later’s … good. Tell your dad I say hi.” Carlos goes over to kiss him, but TK turns his head so all he catches is a wisp of cheekbone. Before Carlos can say anything else, the front door is slamming closed , echoing in the sudden emptiness of the apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a shorter installment, but ... good things come in small packages?

_ Lunch today? _

It’s barely 9 a.m. when he fires off the text to Michelle, a good two hours earlier than either of them usually tries to make meal plans. They both know the job doesn’t lend itself well to mid-day breaks, but if things line up,  it’s nice to take a load off for a bit.

_ Long as we both keep our heads down. Everything OK? _

Her reply is almost instant. Carlos should have known she’ s never seen  through him since the day they met. 

_ Noon if it’s still quiet? Taco truck? _

He ignores the second part of her text, and slips his phone back into his belt holster as soon as he reads her reply.

_ You know I’ll always say yes to you buying me tacos _

* * *

By nothing short of a miracle, neither of them gets any more calls before lunch. It’s maybe the quietest day Carlos has seen since the academy,  and on the  _ one morning  _ that he’d welcome something to get him out of his own head. Nothing major, but a couple of traffic stops, maybe a burglary report to fill out and forget about.

But he gets nothing. A whole morning to text TK and think about texting TK and replay every moment of the  awkward morning they shared. 

He lasts a whole hour after texting Michelle before he gives in to the urge to reach out to TK.

_ Say hey to your dad for me _

There's no reply, not even a read receipt. 

The closer it gets to noon, the more the knot in Carlos’s stomach tightens.  He’s able to find a smile when Michelle sits down across from him at the picnic table, but it’s a small one and apparently not that convincing.

“Gee, good to see you too, buddy. What’s up?”

“Oh, you know. Not much. It’s been quiet.” 

“Carlos.  We’ve been friends for how long now?”

“You looking for a number of days or …?”

“Long enough for me to tell when you’re upset. Now, what’s going on? You texted at 9 a.m. making lunch plans, and I’m sure you think you’re smiling, but you’re not.” She prods at his forearm. “C’mon, tell me what’s on your mind. It’ll be like therapy, but for free.” He flexes another tiny smile.

“Maybe later. How’s the station holding up? Did, uh, did TK and Owen make it in today? He said he had to pick his dad up, and you know how Owen is about his hair being just right …" The smile drops and  Michelle picks up right away that he couldn’t care less about the hair products Owen uses.

“Yeah, they’re both at the station. I’m pretty sure Owen drove them both today, but they’ve been in his office most of the morning.

“Oh.” Carlos swirls his pop bottle around before  taking a drink, but doesn’t say anything else.

“What’s going on with you two? I’d ask if everything is good, but it’s pretty clearly not.” Michelle flips her phone over while she waits for a response, trying to look casual while she types out a  text to Owen.

_ Ever figure out what’s going on with your boy?  _ _ Carlos is all twitchy too … _

“C’mon, Reyes.” When he still hasn’t said anything, she prompts him again. “You spend all this time listening to my crap, give me a chance to return the favor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still planning the next update for Sunday, but let me know what you think of this bit!  
> xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the true spirit of my chaotic writing style, this chapter is longer than the first two put together! But we're getting into some of the emotional parts, featuring father-son bonding and healthy male emotions!

“... but it looks like they might be a lock for the championship this year.” Owen waits for TK to take a breath and peers at him over the top of his computer. 

“TK, no offense, but I’ve  never heard you care about the Longhorns before today. Is there something going on?”

He’s not trying to shut TK down, really, but he’s been chatting aimlessly since he got home this morning, veering from one topic to the next and back again,  and Owen knows that his son only  pratters on about sports when he’s trying to fill the conversation before someone can ask him what’s on his mind.  Sometimes he goes quiet, but he usually isolates himself. This, this is a pattern Owen recognizes. It means TK doesn’t want to be alone, but doesn’t want to talk about his problems.

Usually, Owen’s happy to let him talk, work through whatever’s bothering him in his own time.  But, usually it only goes on for an hour or so until TK blurts out the actual problem. Owen’s all about being there for his son, has made him promise a dozen times over to turn to him instead of … other things … when he needs somewhere to go,  but he’s only going to let it carry on for so long. 

Especially after TK comes back  from the bathroom – the only time he’s left Owen’s office since they clocked in – shaking his hands dry against the front of his jeans and dropping gracelessly  to lie  back  down  on the small loveseat . Judd is right behind him out the door, looking confused and maybe a little frustrated as he joins the rest of the team in the living area . A s Ow en glances through the clear walls of his office,  he notices that they’re all  pretty clearly trying to hide the fact that they’re watching  him right back. 

( Except Mateo, who’s holding his phone perpendicular to the floor and staring over the top of it and into the office , but Owen pretends not to see that, since he knows they can't hear what’s going on, and he’s more concerned about his son’s wellbeing). 

He sighs, locks his computer and walks around the end of his desk to turn one of the visitor’s chairs around and sit down in front of TK, bracing his elbows on his knees and leaning forward. TK looks up at him as he sits, and it’s the first time Owen notices the fat tears rolling down his cheeks.

“OK, we’ve let whatever this is go on long enough. Time to face the music. What’s going on?”

TK doesn’t respond, except to curl in tighter on himself and angrily brush a hot tear away. Owen pushes back a sigh as he reaches forward to brush a hand through TK’s hair – the same gesture that’s calmed him  down ever since he’d come running into the house with skinned knees from riding bikes with the neighborhood boys, that got him through his first heartbreak, his first weeks of  sobriety ,  everything. 

He knows it’ll get through to him now too, but that doesn’t mean it startles Owen any less when TK recoils, surprised at the contact.  He jerks away from Owen’s touch – something else they’ve been through before, he saw his dad sitting there but didn’t register the reality of it until the touch hit his nerves – and sits up, choking on a sob.

“TK?”

“I … I ruined it, Dad. I ruin everything. Alex, our  life in -in New York,  th -this,  _ everything _ .”

“Whoa, hey, those are some big accusations.” Owen takes a deep breath, choosing his next words carefully. “Why don’t we start with whatever ‘this’ is,”  He pulls his hands up into air quotes, then drops them back to his lap, “and then we’ll come back to how you didn’t do anything wrong with Alex, and that this was an offer I couldn’t refuse,  espeically when we both needed a chance to start over. Now, what’s going on?” 

He waits for TK to respond, and just when he’s about to repeat his question, his son’s mouth opens and all the words drop out at once.

“I ... I … Iranoutthismorningandhe'scalledlikethreetimesbutIdon'tknowwhattosaysoI'vebeenignoringhim.”

The words linger between them for a heavy moment, until Owen leans forward again. 

“Why’d you run out?”

“I said we were riding in together.”

“That wasn’t the question, bud.”

TK pulls a hand over his face, and it’s only then that Owen notices how sallow and tired his eyes looks.

“I … I don’t know. It just … last night we were in bed and things … got weird and … I don’t know. I don’t know if  I ’ m ready for what he wants me to do.”

“It … ‘got weird’ … how?” Owen grimaces, because he’s hones tly not sure if he wants to hear about whatever “weird” thing happened between his son and Carlos in bed. But it’s clearly weighing heavily on TK’s mind,  and Owen wants him to feel better, so he asks anyway.

“He, uh, he said something and it … it freaked me out.”

Owen’s brow furrows, and he takes a breath, steeling himself for what he knows he needs to say.

“ Did you … TK, you know you can leave anytime, right? If he was pushing you, if he tried to make you do something you didn’t want to consent to, you can--”

“No! That’s not … it wasn’t -- that wasn’t it. We weren’t … he just wants , um …" his voice breaks. “Remember when you said you thought I was moving too fast with Alex? And we … you know. I moved fast anyway, and you know how that ended up. He – Carlos, he wants … more of  that than I can do right now.”

Owen’s heart cracks in half as he moves to fill the space next to TK on the loveseat, and he feels a flicker of hatred for Alex burning deep in his stomach.  As soon as he’s reseated, TK tips against his chest and weeps, his entire body heaving under the force of his despair. 

They sit together, Owen’s tight grasp maybe the only thing that’s holding TK from falling completely apart, until the sobs turn to sniffles and Owen can feel his emotions taper back down. He brushes his hand through TK’s hair again, and this time feels the shudder as some more of the tension seeps out of his shoulders. Owen thanks his lucky stars that the alarm hasn’t gone off all day, and hopes it won’t now, that fate will give them a little while longer as he speaks softly.

“You know, Michelle said Carlos was acting weird at lunch today. I don’t think you ruined anything, but I think you need to figure out what you’re going to say and talk to him. Soon. Before either of you overthinks this too much more. If he’s not out on a call, you’re welcome to use my office.”

“It’s fine.” TK sighs and sniffs again. “We’ll figure it out. I might go back  over there after work today, I  dunno yet. But it doesn’t mean anything, I don’t have to see him every night.”

“You’re right, you don’t have to see him every night, but if you blow him off tonight, that’ll mean something.  _ Talk to him _ , TK. You don’t have to tell him everything, not if you don’t want to. But at least tell him something. Don’t just leave  him in the dark about it.”

“What do I  _ say _ ? Am I supposed to just tell him that I don’t want him to love me? Th-that I’m not ready for that  again yet? What if he  _ leaves _ ?”

“What if he doesn’t?” Owen squeezes his shoulders briefly. “What if you don’t talk to him? And you’re the one leaving? You’ve got more chance of losing him if you don’t try, and for what it’s worth, kid, I like Carlos. I think he’ll understand. ” He  deliberately  skips past TK’s  concerns that he’s not worthy of love,  knows that if they try to unpack that now, he’ll never get anywhere. Some conversations are better left for a more stable basis, when TK’s strong enough starting out not to work himself so far in to his own head that he can’t make any progress beyond winding his spiral deeper.

“How do I even say it?” He sounds so lost, so sure that he’s destroyed whatever it was going on between him and Carlos,  that Owen wishes they could go back to the days when a bandage and some orange slices could solve the world’s every problem.

“You haven’t told me what’s going on , but you tell him –  _ if _ this is true – that you want to be with him –”

“I do. I-I want that.”

“Then tell him so. And tell him what he did to make you uncomfortable, then the two of you figure out what you can do together to keep it from happening again.”

Owen’s tone is level, his voice soft and steady, trying to keep TK grounded. But his gentle calm only serves to make TK’s mind race more .

_ What if Carlos gets mad? What if Carlos thinks he’s overreacting? Oh God, what if he has been overreacting? He’s totally overreacting, and obviously Carlos is going to be upset that he  _ _ overracted _ _ and he’s not going to want to date him  _ _ anymore because he overreacted to his like he overreacts to everything and— _

“Whoa , hey. TK, hey, where’d you go?”  His dad sounds a little alarmed now, the urgency pulling him back out of his spiral  to choke out another question.

“ What if he’s mad at me?”

“Then you work through that too. But I have a pretty good feeling that he’s probably more worried than anything else. Dodging out on him isn’t like you, TK, and he’s probably just as freaked out as you are.”

“You … you think so?” 

“TK, I’ve seen how he looks at you. Even if he gets frustrated about this, I really don’t think you have anything to worry about. Besides, you’re just going to keep worrying yourself sick until you talk to him. So do you want to call him now or after work? Choice is yours, kiddo.” 

But the fire alarm gods have held out  as long as they can, and the shrill ringing means that TK couldn’t choose “now” even if he’d wanted to. Owen stands up to look at the alarm monit or, TK hovering over his shoulder. 

“Three vehicle accident. You sure you’re good to respond with us? We’ll get by on this one if you need to sit it out. ”

“No, I … I should go. It, ah, it might help to get out of it for a while, y’know?”

“Alright …" Owen hesitates, but TK is an adult, and he trusts him if he says he’s good. “Suit up and hop on, then.” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaaack! Someday I'll learn how to update on a schedule, but in the meantime, here's a short little chapter with three tiny scenes. It's a couple of my favorite moments in the fic, but we'll back back into the thick of the plot hopefully on Saturday!

It’s eerily quiet on the ride to the scene, a stark contrast from the idle chatter they usually pass back and forth in the truck. Everyone climbs out as Owen kills the engine, moving to assess the scene and figure out where their help is best allocated. TK still lingers close to Owen until the responding APD offic ers come up to brief him. 

“Hey, Captain Str--” but he’s  interrupted before he’s even really started explaining anything.

“Seriously, are you the only cop in this entire city?” TK throws his hands up and  stalks off to follow Judd around , knowing that after earlier, he’s going to be smart enough not to  ask any questions. 

Michelle stops him on his way across the street, stage-whispering something that sounds suspiciously like “I know the feeling, you’ll get used to it.”

“Um, Captain Strand, as I was saying …" Carlos winces at the dramatic exit and turns back to Owen, who’s shaking his head.

“Sorry about that. He’s just … I’m working on it.” He gestures for Carlos to explain the setup  so they can get to work.

It’s a simple scene, one car rear ended another and pushed it into the back end of a third. No one is seriously injured, just the standard concussion and whiplash checks while Carlos sorts out insurance information and  draws up traffic citations. Michelle and her team take the lead, with the firefighters mostly standing by in case they need assistance for anything . As soon as he sees an opportunity to, TK claps his dad on the shoulder, whispers something and climbs back into the truck. 

But he keeps watching out the window, staring across the way at the police cruiser parked at the back end of the accident, stopping oncoming traffic from getting themselves wrappe d up in everything. More accurately, he’s staring at the officer leaning against the  hood  of that cruiser, foot kicked up onto the bumper so he can hold a  clipboard steady on his thigh.

Owen looks up and notices TK’s face in the window, watching sadly as Carlos takes on the world and manages his scene, seemingly unaffected by everythi ng that’s torn his son up so much. Before he can say anything, though, the last patient is  treated and the scene is released. 

He doesn’t say anything about the black and white Tahoe trailing them back to the 126.

* * *

TK either ignores or doesn’t notice it parked behind the truck when they all get back. He’s helping Mateo unload some of the gear , but he can’t ignore it anymore when Carlos walks up behind him.

“TK. I’m taking you for coffee.” It’s not a question , there’s no room for TK to turn him down, because Carlos doesn’t want to give him a chance to run off again. TK freezes, clearly digging in his mind for  a reply.

“Oh. Um, I was …"

“Not busy at all.” Owen appears behind him. “Just have him back in an hour or two, in case we get another call before we’re done today.”

“Actually, I was going to go start dinner for everyone.” TK tries to hide his smirk, but Judd sees right through it, tired of watching the kid look like his world has stopped turning.

“Nah, I got it. Chili and cornbread, best easy meal known to man. Sorry,” he raises a hand when Owen opens his mouth. “Turkey chili and keto cornbread, whatever the hell that’ll  taste like.”

TK looks around, and it quickly becomes clear that he’s not going to find a way out of this. His  f eet drag as he lets Carlos lead him to the passenger side of the car and pull the door open for him.

“Cap, you sure this is the right move?” Judd glances at Owen, whose gaze is fixed on TK leaning against the car window, putting as much space between himself and Carlos as he can.

“I have no idea.” Owen sighs. “But one of them had to do something about it, and I guess Carlos took the reins.”

* * *

TK curls himself closer to the car door as Carlos turns the key in the  ignition . He’s trapped now, trapped in the car, trapped with Carlos – who probably hates him after this morning, and maybe worst of all,  trapped inside his own mind. He’s not ready for this conversation yet. Maybe ever, but  definitely not yet. There hasn’t been enough time for him to figure out how much he’s ready to say to Carlos, how he wants to put words to the mess in his brain . There’s no script, not yet, and not enough time to write one. 

His foot starts bouncing erratically as he thinks back on other  times he’s tried to have important conversations without knowing exactly what he wants to say first. The three times he tried to come out to Owen at the dinner table before he gave up and wrote a notecard to use – then panicked and read it right before a busy 12-hour shift. Telling his dad that he  _ did _ have a drug problem, that he wasn’t just popping the occasional pill at a party, asking for help finding a meeting, asking his dad to go with him to that meeting – all carefully thought out and  written in advance.

But now he’s watching out the window as Carlos steers down streets that are only half-familiar, past one, two, three Starbucks stores, and at least a couple of local coffee shops. He knows they’re going toward downtown, but that’s all he can keep track of, so he steels himself for an answer and opens his mouth.


	5. Chapter Five

“Where’re we going?”

Carlos glances over and  has to physically fight against the urge to reach for TK, who’s wound tight as a spring against the door. He wonders briefly if the backseat might have been a safe option, where at least h e’d have the security of knowing that TK wouldn’t be able to tuck and roll at the next stoplight, but knows there’s no way he could have brought himself to intentionally make him feel like he’s being held against his will. 

If he’s going to jump out of a moving vehicle, well that’s just a potential Carlos is going to have to be ready to accept.

“I told you, for coffee. Figured we’d go to the Starbucks downtown . Know you like looking at the river.”

He’s right, TK does love watching over the Colorado River; he remembers mentioning offhand one time that it reminds him of  the Hudson back in New York. For some reason, knowing that Carlos remembered that twists whatever knife TK dug into his own chest this morning when he slammed the door.

Before TK can find his reply, though, Carlos is pulling into the drive-through and placing their orders.

_ He remembers TK’s favorite drink, too. _

The barista passes the drinks through the window, and he hands the iced coffee to TK, who takes it from him, but carefully doesn’t let their fingers touch. Carlos pretends not to notice,  sips from his own cappuccino as he steers around the corner of the building to park facing the river. He kills the engine and shifts to face TK, adjusting his duty belt where the pistol grip is digging into his hip.  When TK doesn’t say anything, Carlos sighs and opens the conversation himself.

“Alright, TK. I’ll wade through a lot of crap, but not just for anyone. And you’ve  gotta at least try to meet me halfway. Now what the hell happened this morning?” 

“I ran away.” TK’s voice is small as he toys with his straw, staring at the drink he’s yet to sip from. “Again.”

“Yeah, I noticed. But  **_ why _ ** ? Did I say something?”  He doesn’t respond this time, and the only sound in the car is the ice rattling in TK’s cup.  “ Teek . You’ve  gotta give me  something to work with.” 

TK doesn’t flinch at the nickname, other than to close his eyes  for a long moment, visibly bracing himself before he speaks.

“No, y-you didn’t … I-I don’t … I  dunno …" He trails off, leaning closer to the window, but finally tucks the end of his straw between his teeth , slurping on his drink to avoid having to elaborate .

“What’s your  _ deal _ , TK?” Carlos catches the bite in his tone and takes a deep breath before continuing. “Just tell me what happened this morning and we’ll figure it out.  I didn’t say anything, so did I do something?  _ Talk to me _ , babe.” He runs a hand down TK’s arm, squeezing his bicep gently . 

Usually when Carlos starts toying with his muscles, TK will grin and flex, showing off for his boyfriend. Today, he doesn’t. But he doesn’t lean away either, just sits there and lets Carlos touch, so he’s inclined to call it forward progress from where they were earlier.

“TK?”

“I’m … I told you. I  _ told you _ already. You, y-you know why we left New York, and-and I told you. I told you I wanted to take it slow.”

“Are we moving too fast?” Carlos’s instinct is to pull his hand away, but he’s afraid it might startle TK more if he stops touching, so he leaves it where it is. “We can slow down if you need us to. Just … tell me what you want.”

“No. No, we’re not moving too – it's not … that.” TK turns his head, shifting to turn his back toward Carlos, but not so far that he has to let go of TK’s arm. 

“Then what is it?”  Carlos leaves his gaze fixed on TK, makes sure his tone is soft and gentle, but it doesn’t matter. TK doesn’t respond, other than to start  bouncing his leg again.  It’s too much, too close to the  feelings he’s been fighting all morning, and he hasn’t yet figured out how to  articulate what it is that he wants.

He knows he doesn’t want to break up, doesn’t want to slow down, but he doesn’t know how to open himself up again, let Carlos into his life enough that he could hurt him badly, so badly, if he left. 

The thought of Carlos leaving him behind makes TK’s shoulders tense, but he lets Carlos push his hand down from his arm to twist their fingers together. 

Carlos waits for TK to answer, but when the clock numbers change for the second time, he opens his own mouth again.

“So, if we’re not moving too fast …" He trails off, hoping TK will fill in the rest, and the edge of hurt in his tone startles TK. He doesn’t want Carlos to blame himself for … any of it, any of TK’s issues,  and in his rush to stop that from happening, everything falls out of his mouth at once.

“You … I … it’s  gonna sound stupid, but I – you know I’m coming  into this with baggage. Lots of it. Like ‘overweight luggage fees’ amounts of baggage.” TK laughs, trying to add some levity to the heavy air between them, but it sounds forced. Carlos squeezes his hand lightly and half-smiles.

“Good thing neither of us have enough time off work to travel anywhere, huh? But yes, I know you’ve been hurt before. And we both know that I don’t want to hurt you again. Which means that if I do,  _ you have to tell me what happened  _ so we can fix things.” 

* * *

He sounds so earnest that for a moment, TK wants to let go and trust him. He wants to believe that it can really be as simple as talking through the problems that come up, and not waiting for the ones that may or may not be around the bend. 

But he knows it won’t work that way. Even when things look good, when it seems like you’re in a good spot, there’s always another shoe to drop. He tried, with Alex. He tried to keep things positive, focus on the good parts of his life and  compartmentalize the rest of it away, not drag anyone into his rough days, let the problems blow over until they didn’t hurt so much anymore. But talk about things that are both ering  him? That’s something he only does with his dad, and only when Owen really pushes him to be open.

He knows that if he can just wait it out a couple of days, the sting will die down  and he’ll feel like he can look at Carlos without wanting to run for the hills. That’s all he’s trying to  do: let this blow over so they can both move on from his outburst. But Carlos keeps asking questions, keeps acting like he really and truly  cares what’s bothering TK. 

And he’s just  _ acting _ like he cares, right? No one’s ever cared about him like that before, other than his dad, but Owen basically  has to since it’s his own kid. No one’s ever chosen to care , and the few times he’s let himself think someone might, they’ve always been leading him on . He’s come to expect that, because bracing himself before the fall makes it just that little bit easier to bear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaaack! Tentatively planning my next update for Wednesday, providing that I don't forget that it's Wednesday until it's actually Thursday. Because this was supposed to go up Saturday, and then I forgot about Saturday. So, Wednesday or Wednesday-adjacent. 
> 
> Meanwhile, enjoy and let me know what you think! Things are rough for everybody right now, so let's spread the love where we can and keep putting those creative vibes out there.
> 
> Take care of yourselves.  
> xoxo


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday!

Carlos is still eyeing TK, who seems to be working further into his own head the longer the silence draws on. He’s not even drinking his coffee anymore, just gnawing on the end of the straw, and Carlos would honestly find it adorable if he weren’t so worried ab out him. 

The more TK muses, the deeper Carlos’s concern grows, and the more opportunity he  has to overthink the last 14 hours of his life. TK let himself in,  but he’s had the spare key for a while now, so it’s probably not that. Carlos left his shorts on to sleep, just like always. He never wears a shirt to bed, so that’s not whatever different thing happened to sc are TK off. 

He’s started mentally cataloguing his entire bedroom: the clothes in the closet, the tray on top of the dresser that holds his duty weapon and his watch, the single glass of water on the nightstand , TK’s  dopp kit on his perpetually tidy bathroom counter . There’s nothi ng different, not that he can think of, no space that he’d carved out brand new  yesterday  for TK to fit into his life. 

But he’s so deep in thought,  so caught up in what he did or didn’t do differently, that he almost misses TK’s barely-audible whisper.

“It … felt too real.”

“Too … real?” Carlos is still trying to place what it is that could have felt any different than any other night. “What did?”

“I came over after work and we didn’t do anything, just … just got ready for bed. And I know it sounds stupid, but it felt like … like …"

“Like a relationship?”  He meets TK’s tone, adopting a careful whisper, but can still tell TK is shocked to hear any reply at all.

“I’m not … I don’t know if I can do that again.”

“Do you want to stop staying over? It’s not going to hurt my feelings, TK. ”

“NO!” TK’s whole body starts thrumming with the sudden outburst. Carlos looks more closely at him and thinks he might be getting ready to be shoved out of the car. “N-no, I like that. Um, as long as it’s OK wit h you.”

“It is.” He interrupts softly, then lets TK continue.

“But, uh, we-we laid down and you … you said …"

Carlos’s eyes grow wide as he waits for TK to finish, because he has no recollection of having said anything at all to TK before they fell asleep. Michelle has teased him before about talking in his sleep when he passes out during movie night, but she’s never told him what he says, and he’d always thought she was just messing with him, giving him a hard time for falling asleep at the end of a long shift. He has no idea what he said, and has to suppress his urge to apologize until he gets the rest of the story.

“TK?”

“Y-you said we fit perfectly.” He drops his chin away from Carlos as he says it, and he’s murmuring so softly that Carlos isn’t sure he heard correctly.

“Come again?”

“ Yousaidwefitperfectly .” He’s louder this time, but the words all run together.

“We … I said ...” Carlos sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose as he puts the pieces of the puzzle together. “ Teek , when did I say that? Like, at what point in the evening?”

“Right as we laid down. Y-you were holding  me and you said we fit perfectly and it was … I’m not ready for another relationship that feels that real. That’s like … intense stuff, and-and it freaked me out.” His foot is still bouncing rapidly, and the hand that isn’t wrapped around Carlos’s is  tapping his coffee cup in a staccato  on his thigh, an attempt to burn off the anxiety visibly coursing through his veins. 

As soon as TK stops talking, he seems to realize what he’s said, because he pulls his hand away from Carlos’s and crams his cup into the cupholder with a shaky grip. He starts wringing his fingers together, and his left foot comes up to prop on the car seat. There's no way he’s comfortable curled into that small of a space, but he’s shielded as much of himself as he can from Carlos’s view, with his cheek pushed into his knee so Carlos can’t see his face. 

If Carlos sees his face, it’s all over. He’ll see the tears in TK’s eyes, see that he couldn’t even handle this one little affectionate thing he said, and that’s it. He’ll leave, go off and find someone who will let him love them. 

And TK will be alone. Again.

“TK, hey,” Carlos reaches across the console and carefully presses his hand against TK’s shoulder,  moving slowly so he doesn’t startle him. “Can you look at me?”

He doesn’t, and Carlos feels him grow impossibly more tense where they’re touching, but he presses on anyway. “Apparently when I’m half-asleep, I have like no filter. Michelle calls it ‘Truth  Serum Carlos’.”

“So?” TK’s voice is muffled, but if Carlos had to guess, he’d say that TK sounded afraid of whatever he’s going to say next.

“So I’ve been known to say things when I’m really tired that I wouldn’t say otherwise.”

“ So you didn’t mean it?” TK’s entire body goes still, drawn tight like a bowstring, waiting.  _ Here it is, the other shoe he knew would drop eventually _ . He can’t  tell how he wants Carlos to respond, if he’d feel better or worse if Carlos said the entire thing had been a lie. He wasn’t ready to hear it yet, but he doesn’t want to find out that it wasn’t true at all, and his heart sinks to his stomach with the realization that  Carlos might be about to admit that he was lying.

“No, that’s not what … TK, it’s …” Carlos takes a deep breath and start over. “You’re just coming off of a relationship with a guy you thought you were going to _marry_. You asked if we could take it slow, and I’m good to do that. But I don’t think I’ve made it a secret that I’m all in on this. I don’t always say it out loud, because we’re just starting out, and we’ve got a lot of ground to cover before we’re up to that, but I meant it. 

“ I mean it.” Carlos tugs on TK’s forearm  until his hand slips free from where it’s pressed between his knee and his  cheek and intertwines their fingers. “See that? See how they fit together? I love that.”

TK’s eyes go wide and skittish, and his shoulders get tense again, but he  doesn't let go of Carlos’s hand.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything more than that. Not yet. We’ll get there when we’re  _ both  _ ready. For now, I’m good with things exactly as they are.”

As Carlos reassures him, TK doesn’t uncurl himself, but he does shift the slightest bit toward Carlos , who squeezes his hand gently.

“Then why’d you say it?” His voice sounds so small, and it finally hits Carlos how much of a contract this is to how confidently TK usually carries himself, how far out of his comfort zone he must be.

“Because I meant it, and I was too tired to remind myself that I was probably pushing you faster than you wanted to go.”

Carlos’s words hang in the air between them, just long enough that he’s wondering if he should lean over and check that TK is still alive. But he takes a deep breath and  runs his thumb over the back of Carlos’s hand.

“I … like when you hold me.” 

It’s a big admission, even if Carlos already knew that. TK will always happily insert himself between Carlos’s arms or plop onto his lap, so it’s obvious that he doesn’t hate the  physical affection,  but it’s hard for him to talk about his feelings and Carlos knows that, even if he doesn’t know  all of the reasons why. 

“Yeah?” Carlos reaches across with his free hand to rub at TK’s shoulder. “Well that works  out, because I like holding you.”

TK relaxes a little against the touch, and turns his head to eye Carlos wearily.

“But it’s not just holding anymore, is it?”

“Isn’t it? Who says it  has to be anything more? Nothing  has to change because of this, TK. I like  us how we are.” Carlos lets go of TK’s shoulder and rolls his arm back, wincing at the ‘pop’ of the socket.

“But you want us to be more.”

Carlos takes a deep breath and chooses his next words carefully, completely aware that his response could change the entire dynamic he and TK have.

“I want us to be … whatever you’ll let us be. I just like being with you, however that is. Whatever you’re comfortable with. Like you said, you’re the one paying extra baggage fees. Right now, I just want to be on the plane with you. And when you’re ready, I’ll help you unpack some.”

TK squeezes his hand, but the reassurance of the gesture is washed away when he starts to laugh.

“You know, you don’t have to keep using the plane metaphor. It’s kind of stupid.”

“No, it makes sense.” Carlos chuckles with him,  glad that they’re working past at least some of the tension that’s built up between them. “Point is, I’m on board for whatever you want us to be. Down the road, I think we could really be something, but it’s OK if you need time to get there.”

“I … don’t want you to end up like me.” He bites his lip  and looks away, toying with Carlos’s fingers.

“You know, you’re pretty great.” Carlos shifts closer to him, leaning an elbow on the center console. “There’s a  lot worse people I could end up like .”

“No!” Carlos braces himself, afraid he’s  misstepped – again – and undone the progress they’ve made, but TK clings to his hand and lets out a shuddery breath. “Y-you don’t … you don’t want to be like me. I did this, I did what you’re doing. When … when I was first dating Ale x. I loved him s-so h ard  and so fast, and he just ripped it all out from under me and I …  I almost lost  _ everything _ .” He loosens his grip  and finishes.

“ I  _ never _ want to do that to you. But I know I’m  gonna mess this up at some point and … I don’t want you to get hurt … like I did.”

Carlos opens his mouth to  respond, but closes it when he realizes he has no idea what to say. His immediate instinct is to assure TK that he won’t get  hurt by falling for him, but they both know he can’t be sure about that, and false reassurances won ’t make him feel any better. That said, the other option he can come up with is to  say that TK will hurt him, and that’s not any better a reply.

So he gapes like a fish for a minute, trying to find the right words, before settling on a gentle reply, hardly louder than a whisper.

“If it happens, we’ll work through it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you Saturday! Keep yourselves safe and spread the love where you can.  
> xoxo


	7. Chapter Seven - Conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Will TK let Carlos love him? Can Carlos convince TK that he really does care?
> 
> I suppose the dramatic intro loses something when the end of the story is ... right there, so you might as well scroll down and get started!

TK’s not moving, but if he were, he’d be stopped in his tracks. As it is, he could swear that he feels his heart skip a beat, and he knows his hand tightens around Carlos’s. 

It’s just that no one has ever cared this much about him, especially not this soon in a … relationship? Friendship? Whatever they are, it’s new to him, and he’s not used to people being this sweet and gentle with him. His dad, maybe, seeing him through detoxing and rehab and the early days of sobriety when all he wanted to do was chase another high, but that’s really not the same thing, he thinks, as having the super-hot guy you’ve only known a few months tell you that you’re not damaged goods, that he wants to stick around even when things get tough. 

He wants to believe it, wants to trust that he’s not broken and even if he is, that Carlos can help put him back together. Because when he lets himself think that way, he has to admit that he’s falling pretty hard too. 

But it’s almost too much, more comfort and his trust than his brain can handle, so he shies away, curling back in on himself just a little bit. Something in his chest squeezes when he feels Carlos lean back off of the console, even if he knows it’s for the best. 

“TK? Did I say something?” There it is again, Carlos checking in, Carlos making sure he’s not crossing any more invisible boundaries, Carlos _caring_ about whether or not TK is comfortable. 

“No one … no one’s ever stuck around for that part before?” It’s hard for TK to talk about his vulnerabilities, but he figures he can at least try to meet Carlos halfway on the emotional honesty. “I mean, my dad, when I got clean, but … he’s my dad. He kinda had to, y’know?” 

Carlos squeezes his hand and shifts back to the console, taking note of the tiny bit of tension that drains out of TK’s shoulders when he moves closer. 

“He didn’t stay because he had to, TK. Anyone who looks at the two of you knows that. He stayed because he cares, and anyone who didn’t do that? It’s their loss. 

“I’m too stubborn to walk away the first time things get tough. Or the second time. The fifth time, though? I’m gone.” Carlos chuckles until he notices that TK’s looked up at him, eyes wide with fear. “Kidding, I’m kidding. I won’t leave then either. If you tell me you’re done, I’ll respect that, but I’m not going to leave you in the dust just because people have screwed you over before.” 

“But why? Everyone else has.” TK squeezes his eyes shut as Carlos starts stroking his thumb across the back of his hand. 

“I’m not everyone else. I don’t want you to hold yourself back to protect me. If you aren’t ready yet, that’s totally OK; I’m not in any rush. But don’t go thinking that I’m not going to be able to hold my own. We’re figuring this out together, and there’s bound to be bumps and bruises along the way--” TK cuts him off, pulling their hands up to nip at Carlos’s knuckle. 

“Mmm, I like the bruises.” He turns his face toward Carlos just enough to show off his smirk, knowing that he’s mentioned before how much he likes watching TK tease him. 

Besides, a little dirty talk in the afternoon? That, he can handle. Or at least, he can handle it better than thinking about how many things he’s admitted to Carlos today alone that he’s never really talked to anyone about before. So maybe he can distract him with a … change of subject … and they can move past the feelings and emotions for the day. 

“Yeah?” Carlos pulls his hand out of TK’s grasp and slides it up his thigh, pressing down on the bruise he remembers sucking into TK’s hip two nights ago, grinning wickedly when TK sucks in a breath and his eyes go dark. “I know you do. But you know they don’t last forever. They heal, even faster if you take good care of them. Just like arguments. 

TK sighs when he realizes that Carlos isn’t going to fall for the afternoon quickie, but deep down he’s a little impressed that he’s so dedicated to making sure they work through problems as they arise. 

“We talk about what went wrong, and it gets better faster than if we just ignore it. I’m not going to walk away from this, and I don’t expect you to believe that right now, but I’ll say it again: I’m not going to walk away. You hear me?” 

TK nods and mutters his agreement. 

“Probably gonna need reminded again, though. ‘M pretty messed up on relationships and crap.” 

“Not as much as you’d think, Tiger.” Carlos reaches up to press his palm into TK’s cheek. “Just feels that way because it’s so fresh. Breakups suck, espeically when you get blindsided. It’s gonna hurt, and if you want to get a little self-destructive, God knows you’ve earned it. But from what you’ve said, you’ve done that part already. Which means it’s time to find better ways to heal, move on to the next part.” 

“And if I can’t?” He leans into the touch. 

“Sure feels that way now, doesn’t it?” Carlos’s thumb draws along TK’s cheekbone as he nods. “So the first time something else starts to feel like the real deal, you panic and run?” 

TK nods again, but he looks away from Carlos as his eyes turn sad. 

“How about next time instead of running away from me, you come find me? I won’t make you talk about it if you don’t want, promise, but God, Teek. It scared the crap out of me when you took off this morning. And then when I couldn’t get ahold of you, and I … just come to me next time? We’ll work through whatever is is?” 

“’M not gonna make you deal with me when I’m being sad and stupid and freaking out.” He reaches up to rest his hand over Carlos’s on his face though, seeking comfort in how neatly their fingers really do fit together. 

He wants to be able to go to Carlos when he’s upset, truly. But he knows it’ll just drive a wedge between them. Carlos won’t want to put up with him when he’s like this, will try to tell him that his life isn’t as bad as he thinks it is, he should focus on the positives, like how lucky TK is to be part of his life. 

_Just like Alex always told him_. 

But he’s not with Alex anymore, he reminds himself, blinking hard in an attempt to shake the memories back down. He finally opens them again when Carlos presses against his face a little more firmly. 

“I’m not ‘dealing with you’. I’m offering to help you with whatever’s on your mind because I care about you and I don’t like seeing you upset.” 

“If I go home, you don’t have to see me upset.” 

“But I _want_ to see you.” He stretches his back to lean over far enough to softly knock his forehead against TK’s shoulder. “Even when you’re scared or upset or anything else. I want you around, and I want to help you with your problems. That’s what a relationship _is_ : helping each other with our problems, celebrating the good things and being there for the in between.” 

Carlos sighs, pushing against the part of himself that’s getting frustrated with how stubborn TK is. He reminds himself of everything TK’s been through in the last six months, even just that he’s told Carlos about, and knows that there has to be even more he’s not privy to yet. 

They’ve got a lot of ground left to cover, and he knows that. He knows it’ll be a while before TK is ready to trust any of the things he’s just said, to know that Carlos really is in this for the long haul. Hell, this is the fastest he’s _ever_ been this invested in a relationship, but he figures that the least he can do is give himself an honest shot at rolling with the punches and letting himself have something good come his way. 

So he tilts his face up to mouth at TK’s jaw, and says it again against the smooth skin. 

“I’m not going to walk away.” 

He leans back and turns TK’s face to look him in the eye. “And I’ll say that whenever you need to hear it, OK? Just come talk to me, and I’ll be here, I promise.” When TK hesitates, he rephrases. “At least text me if you need some space? Just so I know you’re alright? And we’ll get to the rest of it when you’re ready? Can we try that?” 

This time, TK only pauses a moment before he nods. Carlos grins at him, and TK smiles back before leaning in for a soft kiss. 

“Seriously, I’m here, Tiger. Just say the word.” He kisses TK again softly. “Now, let’s get you back to work before your dad sets a fire somewhere just to prove a point about me dragging you away while you’re on duty. He waits for TK to nod, then leans away to fasten his seatbelt and start the ignition again. 

They ride back to the 126 mostly in silence. TK retrieves his coffee from the cupholder and wraps his lips around the straw again, but when Carlos is stopped at a light, TK reaches over the console to grab his hand, needing to confirm for himself that Carlos is still willing to touch him. When he parks in front of the station, TK lets go, but Carlos grabs his wrist. 

“Will you come over tonight?” He sees the hesitation flash across TK’s face and tacks onto the end, “I want you to come over … if you’re up for that.” 

Carlos drops TK’s wrist so he won’t feel like he’s trapped in the car, but he holds his breath until TK responds. 

“Yeah, OK.” TK looks up and smiles. “I’ll … I’d like that. We could, um, can we watch a movie?” 

“Sure thing, Tiger.” 

TK reaches for the door handle, but lets go and leans across the car to steal a kiss from Carlos. 

“Can you … can you say it again?” 

“I’m not going to walk away. I like having you around. I promise. Now,” Carlos kisses him again. “Tell the crew hi for me. I’ll see you after work?” 

“I’ll be there.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it! This was such fun to write, and I've loved reading all of your lovely comments. Hopefully this brought a little brightness to your days, especially with everything else going on in the world!
> 
> Take care of yourselves,  
> xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Three whole weeks this kept me busy at work. Here's hoping it does the same for you! Lemme know what you think!  
> xoxo


End file.
